Вырезки с овера

[elian]

Most people I speak to are single cell organisms, undergoing mitosis as I speak.

Yeah...and I told my mother, "Sorry, but you can't abort a 28-year-old fetus."

Columbia student #1: Would you like a free cookie from the Columbia anti-Socialist club?
Columbia student #2: Shouldn't that be "earn a cookie"?

You are a compelling argument against homosexuality. You are a very pretty girl.

Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren't that smart so I don't teach them big words like those.

We're all stuck in a loop of bullshit.

Guy #1: He's not down with it.
Guy #2: What do you mean, he's not down with it?
Guy #1: Don't worry, he's going to be down with it.
Guy #2: How's he going to be down with it?
Guy #1: We'll make him down with it.

Chick: He bumped against me. He said, "I'm sorry." I said, "That's OK." I didn't realize he was shoving me out of the way to take my seat!

Former Columbia student: By and large, Barnard girls are Bi and Large.

20-something Intellectual: Facts are such a distraction from the essence of what's really happening.

Customer: Is that banner going to be permanent?
Cashier: For a little while.

Passport agent in airport to everyone waiting to go into customs: Everyone with a US passport, up against that wall!
Man in line: Have things changed that much?

German tourist: You can't smoke inside and you can't drink outside. What the hell do you people do in New York City?

Chick: I have very, very, very, very little free time. In a week I might have 15 hours, and that includes sleep!

Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how!

Gay teen: I told her that while she's over there she has to find me a German boyfriend.
Girl: Why?
Gay teen: So he can dress up like a Nazi and we can play concentration camp fetish games.
Girl: Oh, right.

Guy:...But you have to keep in mind that while you're emotionally emasculated, he's physically emasculated, and there's a helluva difference.

Maintenance worker: I got no problem with him, but he shouldn't be touching my nipple.

Girl #1: Have you ever got hit by an errant cup of coffee?
Girl #2: Once, but I'm not sure how errant I'd consider it.

Woman #1: It's really small, you know, but the sex is wonderful.
Woman #2: You mean he's rich?
Woman #1: Yeah. Exactly.

Guy into cell: Uh huh, he knows it's an 8-track, right? He knows how to work with one of those?...Now listen. I want to make this crystal clear. I want to make sure that he fully understands what I'm about to say. There is to be no sucking dick before studio time. Does he understand this?

Guy on Cell: Have you ever tried to masturbate while Michael Jackson's "Rock With You" is playing in the background? Well, it's more difficult than you think...

Guy, 40s: I don't take medication. I don't need it. I need drawing. I need peace and tranquility. I need coffee!